Day 6: Write a letter to your body.

 Dear body,

We have a love-hate relationship for 24 years now. I wondered why I looked this or that way. I wondered why can't you give me flawless skin, longer legs, smaller nose and less hair. Why can't you stop being so dry and pimply. I am 24 years old and still get lot of pimples, I am pouring my money into anti-acne stuff. They don't really work well - thanks, body.

I struggled to like you, body. I didn't fit in you right growing up. You was too skinny and bony, and I swear that you did that on purpose to stay look young. You still look young now, by the way. I was called midget when everybody else started to towering over me, and I waited for you to give me longer legs so I can stand eye to eye with rest of everybody. But nope, you decided you're OK with the length at age of 13 so you stopped growing. I thought you have doomed me with a 13 years old body forever.

Often, I decide how my day goes based how my hair treats me. Like yesterday, I woke up to a nest on top of my head so I took a shower and ta-da, my hair looked fabulous. I woke up today, thinking my hair will be fabulous again. -BUZZZT- Wrong. Hair decided to tangle into themselves. Fine. Whatever. I mean, do you see what I meant by less hair? Could you have just given me a wavy hair or something? Something manageable because I am lazy.

I struggled with weigh too. Why didn't you warn me that your metabolic rate is slowing down? Why didn't you warn me that some food had caused you being sick. But that is me pointing fingers at you.

I treated you badly for past few years. I ate bad food, I drank drinks, and I was lazy. I sat lot, studying and stress-eating. I didn't take you out on a run. I didn't feed you food full of nutrients and vitamins you needed. I ignored you and your warnings. I expected you to take care of me, no matter what I did to you.

I used to take you on runs, I used to play sports with you, and I used to eat healthy (forcibly, thanks mom) just for you. I stopped doing that because I took you for granted, so I forgot about you. Suddenly, you b*tch-slapped me in face when I couldn't fit in my favorite skinny jean. I wore it anyway and it split as soon as I sat down at restaurant. I was angry at you, and I started to blame you for everything that went wrong in my life.

I stayed angry at you for next couple years. Then, I went to Namibia. I lived in a harsh environment - dry air with blazing sun. Water is scarce when we went into field, and I couldn't afford the luxury of eating as much I wanted since the nearest grocery was three hours away.  You was so good to me. You even stayed healthy after I got a bad sunburn from falling asleep in sun (LESSON LEARNED!). I felt fresh and strong every morning and every night I got up before sunrise and going bed after sunset.

I liked the feeling of you. For first time, I felt like I fit in you just right.

I want to treat you right for all those times you stayed together when I fell, cut, bruised, battered, worn you out. You stayed strong after that crazy and hot walk down the snake path from Masada. You stayed warm when we missed our stop on way home from NYC for NYE celebration and the next train was a few hours later. You didn't fall apart when I felt like my mind was going to fall apart. And, what did I do to you? What did I do to deserve you?

I like my legs and its shape. I like my nose and its freckles.  I like my skin, pimples and all. I like my hair and its curls. Well, maybe not all the time for hair. I am still upset about today.

I like how you look. I learned how to bring out the best of you and how to appreciate you and your shapes. I still have long ways to go with you. I want you to feel at your best and powerful. I want you to feel confident. We are going to work together toward those goals.

I need to learn about you, and I need to learn to treat you right so you can continue staying strong for me.

I am really glad that you're mine.

Love,

Danica